As a parent to an angry or surly teen, you will find yourself looking at your child, trying to find the sweet little angel that brought your flowers and tried to wrap their tiny arms around you. While it’s normal to experience this nostalgic-based grief, it’s important to accept that your child is growing up and needs you, even if they don’t realize or accept it.
Teens often pull away from their parents because they are looking for independence. This is why parents need to focus on listening without judgement because trying to force them to talk will only push them further away. Adolescence also brings hormonal changes which can cause severe mood swings and outbursts so you need to be patient.
There is of course a difference between a moody teenager suffering with teen angst and find their place in the world, and proven mental health problems. Statistics say 20% of adolescents may experience a mental health problem, and 50% of mental health problems are established by age 14 and 75% by age 24, and it’s increasing in recent years thanks to many factors including exposure to news and social media pressures.
The good news is that there are plenty of things that you can do to support your children’s mental health and help them develop core life skills for good mental health when they are adults.
5 Ways Parents Can Support Their Teen’s Mental Health
Work on Open Communication
Open communication is absolutely crucial for the parent/child relationship, especially during the adolescent years with outside influence and pressures. Without open communication, you have no idea what your child is thinking or feeling or what challenges they may be facing.
You need to remember what it was like as a teenager, and that emotions can explode in many forms. Keeping calm and being understanding is what they need, not an argument or controlling which will exacerbate things. They are at the stage in life they need guiding, not directing.
A problem shared, is a problem halved. Even the process of talking about something, simply means it has to be explained in a logical way. Sometimes it’s not about the answer given, but the logical breakdown that helps their understanding of the situation.
Each child is unique so create a plan that improves your communication based on your teen’s preferences. For instance, some teens find it easier to open up and talk when they are engaged with you in tasks you can do together like gardening or going for a walk.
Others find it easier to open up during car rides or at the dinner table. When creating your plan, keep tweaking it according to what works and what doesn’t. Be consistent with these casual conversations so that over time, your child is comfortable discussing more sensitive topics with you.
But don’t be discouraged if it takes some time for your teen to feel comfortable discussing sensitive topics with you. It’s so important that they know you will be there for them when they are ready, and will react to any situation in an understanding and supportive way.
Normalize the Idea of Therapy and Mental Health Support
If you are clashing so much that’s creating an atmosphere and causing a divide, it can take years for the rift to mend, if at all. This is when you need to think about if you are right person to helping, especially if you are part of the problem.
While not every teen needs therapy but it’s important that every teen knows that seeing a therapist doesn’t mean that there is something “wrong” with them or a sign of weakness. Discuss how as a parent, you can offer them all your love and support but sometimes we need the kind of expertise and safe space that only a mental health professional can provide.
Many kids are comfortable talking to a therapist but they just don’t want others to find out. This is where online therapy comes great option, especially for teens who are reluctant to attend in-person sessions. You can find affordable online therapy services that have been vetted by experts and compare the pros and cons of each one to decide which one will be the best fit for your child.
Discussing therapy as a tool for support, rather than a solution for something “broken,” can reduce stigma and help your teen feel more comfortable accessing mental health resources when needed.
Educate Yourself about Teen Mental Health
Today’s teens face challenges that none of the earlier generations ever experienced. It’s not just exam pressure and the constant unrealistic expectations from on social media platforms. This generation are more in tune to world politics and climate change than any before them. And it’s a scary place!
As a parent, it’s important to educate yourself on the issues affecting your child, including how mental health issues manifest in teens. Teen depression, for example, may not always look like adult depression. Teens with depression may display sudden changes in behaviour, irritability, or social withdrawal, while adults tend to show more visible signs like lethargy and fatigue.
It’s also important to know how to support your child and provide them with the guidance they need. For example, if your child comes to you with a problem that seems trivial from your perspective, don’t try to downplay it or tell them how they “should” feel. Instead, acknowledge their feelings and try to help them figure out what they can do to address the issue. You always need to validate their emotions and work together to find solutions.
Model Positive Coping Mechanisms
When our children are younger, they need the security of knowing that their parents can handle anything so we don’t let them see our stress and anxiety. However, as your child gets older, it’s healthy to let them see that you do face situations that cause you stress and anxiety but that you also have ways to help you cope with it so that it doesn’t overwhelm you.
Whether it’s through physical activity, creative outlets, or relaxation techniques, demonstrating your own coping mechanisms can teach your teen how to manage stress in a constructive manner.
For instance, when you’ve had a stressful day, you could tell your teen that you’re going for a walk to clear your head or use deep breathing exercises to relax. Encourage your teen to try these methods with you and make them feel supported as they learn to manage their own emotions.
Encourage Healthy Social Relationships
Social relationships are vital to your teen’s mental well-being. Positive friendships provide a support network, provide a sense of belonging, act as a buffer against feelings of loneliness or isolation.. They help teens build the emotional resilience they need to handle life’s challenges. While it might be hard to see your teen prioritising their friends over family, understand that this is part of their social development. It’s a temporary phase and it is an important part of their self-discovery journey.
Talk to your teen about the importance of healthy relationships and how to identify toxic behaviours. Social media, in particular, can have a significant impact on self-esteem and mental health, so educate yourself on its effects and make sure your teen feels supported in managing their online presence. Keep an open dialogue with your teen about their friendships without being overbearing. Take the time to get to know their friends and offer support when needed.
Useful Links
Here are some useful links and references to mental health organisations, websites, and hotlines that both parents and teens can explore for support and resources:
Young Minds (UK)
- Website: https://www.youngminds.org.uk/
- About: Young Minds is the UK’s leading charity supporting the mental health of young people. They offer a range of resources for parents and teens, including advice on mental health issues, a helpline, and ways to get involved.
Mind (UK)
- Website: https://www.mind.org.uk/
- About: Mind provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem. They have specific resources for young people, parents, and carers.
Childline (UK)
- Website: https://www.childline.org.uk/
- Helpline: 0800 1111
- About: Childline offers a free, confidential service for children and teenagers. They provide support on a range of issues, including mental health, bullying, and relationships. They also have resources for parents.
The Samaritans (UK)
- Website: https://www.samaritans.org/
- Helpline: 116 123
- About: Samaritans offers confidential emotional support for anyone in distress or crisis. They have a wide range of resources for people of all ages, including young people.
NHS – Mental Health Support for Children and Young People (UK)
- Website: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/mental-health-issues/
- About: The NHS provides comprehensive information on mental health issues affecting young people and offers guidance for parents on how to support their children.
Mental Health Foundation (UK)
- Website: https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/
- About: The Mental Health Foundation provides information on mental health issues, practical advice for parents and young people, and guidance on finding support.
The Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS – UK)
CAMHS offers specialist support for young people experiencing mental health difficulties, and are run by your local council authority.
