Most people don’t like being alone. As children, young adults, and in our old age, we tend to seek out companionship through friends, family, and significant others.
Loneliness is often misunderstood, especially by extroverts who don’t share the same natural understanding as introverts who find socialising draining. While society tends to stigmatise it as “Billy no mates”, choosing solitude doesn’t have to mean something is wrong.
In fact, learning to be alone can strengthen your sense of identity, boost mental wellbeing, and help you reconnect with what truly matters. If you are introverted, chances are you’ve been doing things to keep people happy. Is it time you looked inwards?
This article explores why solitude is not only acceptable but beneficial, and how to make the most of time spent with yourself.
Why Are People Afraid Of Being Lonely?
Since time immemorial, humans have been inherently social creatures. And it makes sense when you consider since neanderthal times we have lived in communities; looking out for each other, building bonds, and knowing that there are others we can rely on. This sort of “pack” or “herd” mentality that humans exhibit is one of the core reasons for our ascent to the top of the food chain.
Our brains are wired to seek companionship and interaction for safety, connection, and shared responsibility. We’ve lost a lot of interaction through work, with many now working from home or in a hybrid environment. And in today’s hyper-connected world, we’ve grown increasingly uncomfortable with silence, boredom, or stillness.
We’re so used to always having something going on, like being with family, friends, using social media to interact with complete strangers, and so on. So what are specific reasons why people might avoid spending time alone?
- Emotional distraction: Interactions with other people helps us stay occupied and avoid uncomfortable intrusive thoughts. In doing so, it can help you put off responsibilities that make you feel stressed.
- Social validation: Some people judge their self-worth based on who they are around, meaning they “need” to be around certain types of people in order to feel valuable.
- Shared joy: Shared experiences enhance joy and lessen the burden of negativity. When you’re alone, you’ll lack the opportunity for this shared processing.
- Fear of boredom or purposelessness: When you’re spending time with others, you avoid boredom. Social interaction provides you with stimulation, entertainment, and can even give you a sense of purpose. It’s why you always feel better about yourself after an evening out with your friends. And FOMO is a real thing too.
- Connection: Sometimes just knowing someone is around makes us feel better. And of course a problem shared is a problem halved. Simply talking about our problems means we have to put them into logical sense to explain them, which often helps us understand them better too.
- How it feels to be alone: Loneliness can often feel like a painful emotional state akin to an ache or even emptiness, which people try to alleviate.
Importantly, prolonged loneliness has real health implications. Studies from sources like the Lancet link chronic loneliness to an increased risk of:
- Heart disease and stroke
- Type 2 diabetes
- Depression and anxiety
- Dementia
- Earlier mortality
Solitude vs. Loneliness: What’s the Difference?
It’s crucial to understand the difference between solitude and loneliness, the former is an emotional state, while the latter is a physical one.
Loneliness occurs when you feel disconnected or unseen, even in a crowd. It’s a lack of emotional connection, not necessarily a lack of people. This is especially true with single parents or those in an unhappy relationship, who may find they always feel lonely despite their kids being there.
This happens when you feel like you aren’t seen, respected, or understood. It can happen when you experience language barriers, a lack of common hobbies and interests, and so on.
Solitude, on the other hand, is the intentional or circumstantial state of being alone. When embraced, it can be restful, grounding, and liberating. In order to be okay with spending time alone, you need to have a healthy relationship with yourself. In fact, research has shown that people who practice self-compassion experience less loneliness and have higher life satisfaction.
Feeling lonely at times is completely normal, but having frequent feelings of isolation indicates a need for self-care or support. Having a balanced relationship with yourself allows you to enjoy both being with others and solitude.
Why Spending Time Alone Can Be Good for You
When framed positively, solitude can be powerful. And some people need it more than others. We are all different. Personally I have such a busy brain, that I massively benefit from some alone time, especially as I like to complete outstanding tasks where possible to silence the internal chatter.
Here’s how it benefits your mental and emotional wellbeing:
- Reduces stress and anxiety: Alone time allows your mind to rest without external pressure.
- Lowers social expectations: Without others, you can be your full, unfiltered self. There is pressure to make conversation and adhere to societal norms.
- Builds independence: You learn to enjoy your own company and develop self-reliance.
- Promotes self-reflection: Space allows you to process your thoughts and feelings with clarity.
- Strengthens relationships: Time apart helps you appreciate your loved ones more deeply.
- Enhances creativity: Solitude offers fertile ground for imagination and problem-solving.
- Improves productivity: Fewer distractions lead to greater focus and output.
- Recharges your social battery: Essential for those who find too much interaction draining.
- Boosts mental clarity: Quiet moments allow thoughts to settle, offering insight and peace as you clear the noise and mental chatter.
A Note for Single Parents: Finding Solitude Amid Responsibility
I’ve always felt for single parents, who likely struggle to get the luxury of solitude and peace. Between work, household responsibilities, and being the sole caregiver, time alone may seem impossible, or even guilt-inducing. But carving out even brief moments of solitude is not selfish, it’s essential for mental well-being and limiting burnout or a nervous breakdown.
Whether it’s 10 minutes with a cup of tea after the kids are in bed, journaling before sleep, or using apps like Liven to reflect and recentre, small pauses can have a profound impact on mental clarity and resilience.
Tips for single parents to embrace healthy solitude:
- Set boundaries where possible: Even young children can learn that a short break means a calmer, more present parent afterward.
- Use tech positively: Apps like Liven offer bite-sized guidance for emotional self-care, which fits into tight schedules.
- Find community support: Connecting with other single parents (online or locally) can make you feel less isolated while validating your need for personal time.
- Reframe alone moments: Even doing the dishes or walking to school can become meditative if approached mindfully.
Remember, taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your family. Rested, grounded parents model resilience and self-worth, and that’s a powerful gift to pass on.
Practical Support for Navigating Solitude
If you’re looking to better understand your inner world, track your moods, or build healthier emotional habits, platforms like TheLiven.com are a helpful companion for solo reflection.
Designed for people dealing with overwhelm, self-doubt, or emotional burnout, Liven offers short, personalised courses, mood tracking, and science-backed journaling techniques to help users tune into their thoughts and reframe negative patterns.
It’s especially useful for those navigating:
- Procrastination or burnout
- ADHD or emotional reactivity
- Difficult childhood experiences
- A desire to build stronger self-worth and boundaries
If you’re using this season of solitude to reconnect with yourself, you need structured guidance to help you do so meaningfully.
Fun and Meaningful Ways to Spend Time Alone
Spending time with yourself doesn’t mean sitting in silence, and TikTokers are doing a great job of normalising solo trips out. Try these ideas:
- Take yourself out: Visit a museum, enjoy a café, see a film, or take a scenic walk.
- Explore a new hobby: Paint, bake, write, garden, or learn a musical instrument.
- Read more books: Reconnect with the lost form of entertainment away from screens, find some fiction or non-fiction that nourishes your mind.
- Reflect through journaling: Writing down your thoughts can help organise emotions and introspection self-discovery.
- Meditate or practise mindfulness: Just five minutes of deep breathing meditation can reset your day with tranquillity and serenity.
- Declutter your space: Tidy surroundings can bring a sense of calm and control.
Final Thoughts
Loneliness is a valid and often painful emotion, but solitude is something else entirely. When you embrace time alone intentionally, it becomes a powerful tool for self-growth, healing, and joy. Learning to sit with your own company without discomfort is a life skill that fosters inner strength and resilience.
In a world that never stops talking, silence can be your sanctuary. Instead of fearing it, lean into it. Make time for yourself, not as a last resort, but as a priority.
Tip: If you’re new to solitude, start small. Schedule 30 minutes a day just for yourself; no phone, no social media, no distractions. You might be surprised by how freeing it feels.
Resources for Further Exploration:
- “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle
- Psychology Today: Articles on Solitude and Self-Compassion
